My Angel - Wednesday Gratitude

If you haven't figured it out by now... I adore my daughter.  Oh she does drive me crazy sometimes, but I love this baby more than words can ever say.  She is our special gift from God and I am grateful everyday that she is here.

About 7 years ago, we decided it was time to have a baby.  We got pregnant the first time we tried.  We were elated! The BHW and I  ate, drank, slept, and talked about this baby. You could not have found two people who were happier.  At 12 weeks the spotting began and when we went in for an ultrasound, there was no baby.  Complete and utter devastation is the only way I can describe it.  There was no reason.  It was what is called a blighted ovum.  The baby probably hadn't made it past 8 weeks and my body just didn't realize it yet.  I was so sad, but we knew we wanted to try again.  And so we did... for a year and a half.  We continued to pray and began the fertility drug Chlomid. After one round, we were pregnant.  I was happy, but was terrified.  I didn't want to jinx myself, but I just couldn't be as happy as before.  I was too scared.  My doctor knew my fears and scheduled an ultrasound at 8 weeks.  I was petrified to go in and they tell me there was no baby there, but we went in and the first thing we saw was a precious, perfect heartbeat and little peanut there.  I cried...like a baby... tears of joy.  I was still scared, but I knew that there was something.  I had hope and I continued to pray like a mad woman.  I took at least 2 pregnancy tests a week until I was almost 5 months pregnant.  I just couldn't help it.  I needed to know that it was o.k. and in my mind when that stick read positive, it was all o.k.

                                                                    29 weeks

40 weeks

I was the happiest pregnant person you have ever seen.  I LOVED being pregnant.  People told me how I glowed and how beautiful I looked.  I was never sick a day, and just felt fantastic.  My doctor would always say he wished he could bottle up my pregnancy happiness and give it to others.  I just felt so blessed to be carrying this little creature that would soon be ours!  At 24 weeks, we found out that we were having a baby girl!  We weren't going to find out and that is a post for a whole different time but we were overjoyed!!!!  The pink started rolling in and we loved every ruffle, flounce and frill.  We had always said we would name a daughter Elinor after both grandmothers (how convenient is that?!?) and call her Ella.  Well, it seemed everyone had that idea and after an Ella moved in across the street, three Ella's in the grade I was teaching and another pregnant teacher announced she was naming her daughter Ella  out  our name of Ella went.  As I sat one night looking through the Book of 10 Zillion Baby Names.  I came across Jemma.  I asked the BHW about it and he really liked it.  It was Italian so it went with our last name and it is the feminine form of James which is my father's name.  It was perfect and we never looked for another name.  She became Jemma Linor.  The BHW bought the first gift with her name on it and I have never seen him so giddy over giving me something as he was that diaper bad with Jemma on it.

I was due on December 16th, but then it was pushed back to Dec. 23 as I measured small every visit.  Well, Miss Jemma had her way and joined us on December 17th.  I will never ever forget the BHW face when I was in labor and he looked up with his face glowing and said, "She has hair!"  From the minute our daughter arrived, he was smitten beyond belief.  I have never seen a man as wonderful with a baby as he was.  She was the prettiest thing with full cheeks and sweet lips.  I just looked at her for hours and couldn't get over that God blessed me with this tiny creature.  She was perfect and we were a family.  We have tried to have more babies, but suffered another miscarriage and many more rounds of drugs.  I would love to have another baby, but we are a perfect family.  If God blesses us with another child, I will be so happy, but if not, he gave me the most wonderful gift of all.  My Jemma.  And for that I am grateful everyday.

Thanks Heidi for hosting Wednesday Gratitude at Heart and Home and helping us to think about and write down what we are grateful for.  It means a lot and I am so happy to take part.